July 21, 2017 marks 10 years that Glenn and I have been married! We also got to celebrate 15 years together on July 5, so July is a pretty special month for us. It’s incredible to think about our relationship reaching these milestones – 15 and 10 are big years! Over the years, we’ve both learned a lot, but today I wanted to share 10 things I’ve learned after 10 years of marriage. This blog post has been in the works longer than any… I wanted to really put a lot of thought into it and not have trivial items in the list just to make it to 10. I wanted to really think it through.
So, without further adieu, here are the 10 things I’ve learned after 10 years of marriage.
1.) We Have to Take Time For Just Us. This is something we haven’t been the best at over the years, but we’re trying to be better better. Since our honeymoon, we have only taken one vacation alone together that didn’t include meeting up with other people, or attending a family member’s wedding. And that one trip? It was during our first year of marriage and was technically business related. We’ve always gone with other couples or (of course) taken Zoey. Our little family unit is very important to us, so we do everything as a unit. But as a couple it’s so important to get away as just us, and I’m not talking about just a date night. Later this week, we will spend 4 days in a cabin in the Smoky Mountains for our anniversary as just the two of us. No Zoey. No friends. No Family. No work-related meetings. Just us, on vacation, not sharing our time with anyone but each other. It shouldn’t have taken 10 years to get here, but we’ll be more intentional about this in the future.
2.) Trials Are A Blessing. I’m going to be transparent and tell you that Glenn and I have been going through one of the biggest trials of our marriage the last 2 years, and it has nothing to do with us, nothing to do with infertility, and everything to do with what we’ve been doing for a family member outside of our marriage… someone who has drained us in multiple ways. But as difficult as this situation has been, and as many times as I’ve said “why are we in this situation that we can’t seem to walk away from?”, the trial is a blessing because it has taught us a lot about serving others. I think when this trial is over (and I am begging the Lord to bring it to a close soon), we’ll appreciate each other and our life more than we ever have. We will also be firmer in our boundaries, and that in itself is a blessing that too many marriages fail at. Speaking of boundaries…
3.) Set Firm Boundaries and Do Not Waiver. Oh, this one is hard. Since we got married, we set some pretty firm boundaries when it came to what we would allow ourselves to be exposed to, when it came to how we allow ourselves to be taken advantage of, and when it came to who we allow in our lives. While the good news is we’ve succeeded in many ways at protecting ourselves from the toxicity that wants to creep in, the bad news is we’ve let down at least one boundary to be helpful to someone outside of our marriage (as previously mentioned), and it has hurt us. Our marriage should be priority over everyone else’s life problems. I know this, and yet have failed at upholding it. I am determined to make that change before the year is up, and will never again allow someone outside of our marriage to burden us this way. Up until 2015, we were so good at the boundary thing, and 2017 is the year of (hopefully) recovery.