Life Abundant Blog

living life abundantly in spite of PCOS

Life After Loss

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It feels like this is all I write about anymore, but the fact is it’s only been 6 weeks since this miscarriage, and 9 weeks since we found out we were miscarrying. This loss is something I’m going to have to carry around for the rest of my life. It’s something I’m going to have to learn to navigate through, so just bear with me as I figure this out.

The medical bills just now started to pour in. There is no “moving on” when you owe a lot of money for a baby you never got to bring home. And then Amazon made a huge mistake last week and emailed a ton of people saying something was purchased off of their baby registry… of course it came into my inbox the same exact day (9/19) that I was fighting with a medical billing company for strangely billing my ultrasounds.

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With all of this crap going on, I’m learning how to cope, and with that comes mistakes.

Sometimes I find myself pouring into my Bible, studying those who have experienced great trials.

Sometimes I sit in the bathroom floor and weep and cry out “WHAT HAVE I DONE? WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?”

Sometimes I meditate in prayer, craving closeness with my God.

Sometimes I tell God I’m so mad at him and doubt his goodness.

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A Minimalist Meal Plan for a Complete 21-Day Fix

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This post contains affiliate links.

This post is a follow-up to this one: A Simple 21-Day Fix Meal Plan for the Full 21 Days, so be sure to check it out first if you’re looking for multiple 21-Day Fix meal plans with different ideas to help you succeed. I have learned that I like to keep things pretty simple with the 21-Day Fix. One of my biggest discouragements with the Fix last year was the food. I used to feel this pressure to do something exciting and different every day, but I discovered that minimalism is the real winner.

A Note About The Food

The point of me showing a full 21-Day Fix meal plan schedule is to show that I’m human. I’m organized, but I’m human. There are days that everything is planned out, like you’ll see, and then days where we go out to eat or to a gathering, and I just do my best, but also give myself some grace. I put my meals at restaurants in red along with what I ate. Sometimes if I know I will splurge a bit at dinner, I will be super strict during the day, so you’ll notice that here. Also, minus a tiny bit of feta in my salads (and that dang Chick Fil A sandwich), I cut out dairy during this round to help with my bloating, and I was very selective about my carbs most of the days. This round was following a miscarriage, so not only did I have a little bit of first trimester weight+bloat to lose, but I had nutrients to replenish after extensive bleeding. I struggled a lot this round with my hormone levels so it was crucial that I had cut out certain things to help.

Additionally, you’ll see a lot of repetition. This is to give you an idea on how to keep things simple for the full 21 days. During my 2nd week, I ate stuffed grape leaves for lunch every day. You may have something else that you love and can prep for a week to eat for lunch every day – whatever that is, tackle it and go for it!

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10 Essentials for Surviving A Miscarriage

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This post contains affiliate links at the very end for your convenience. These same products are probably available in your local community; however, if you’re like I was while waiting for a miscarriage to begin, online shopping from the comfort of your home may be your friend.

When I went through my miscarriage, I was extremely blessed to have a best friend who was able to walk me through everything… from what to expect, to what I’d need, to serving as a doula via texting when I reached the most active peak of the miscarriage and felt like I was about to split open. I was blessed, but not everyone has that person. Many women go through this feeling alone, or ashamed, and turn to the internet for advice. In my case, I was told the baby’s heart stopped beating more than three weeks before the miscarriage actually began, so I had a long time period to gather what I needed as I waited. Not every woman experiences this wait. Some are blindsided by the heavy bleeding and sudden loss. If you found your way to this post because you have been told you will miscarry and are waiting for it to begin, I’m so sorry. I know first hand that the wait is agony. I hope this post is helpful, but I also hope you find the community you need so you don’t have to walk through this alone.

The items I’m going to mention today were extremely useful for me. If you have been through miscarriage, you may have some additional suggestions and I would love if you shared those in the comments.

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10 Essentials for Surviving A Miscarriage

1.) Leak-Proof Water Bottle: The more hydrated you are, the better blood flow you’ll have. The last thing you want is for this whole event to last longer than it needs to. I think mine went as smooth and quickly as it did because I took my friend’s advice and drank a ton of water in the weeks of waiting for my miscarriage to begin. Make sure you have a good, leak-proof water bottle because when you are in bed going through contractions, you may not want to deal with a cup and risk spilling it. I kept a water bottle in the bed with me so I could easily grab it and stay hydrated in between each contraction. At one point, I was clutching it against my chest…

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Why PCOS Awareness Is Important

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For PCOS Awareness Month this year I wanted to write something a little different than I have in the past. I’m sharing a bit of a personal thought process on what PCOS symptoms look like, what awareness means to me, and why it’s important.

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How I’m Doing After My Miscarriage

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When I sat down in January and thought about what my blog content for 2017 would look like, this much loss was nowhere near my list. 2017 as a whole has been a weird year of grief for me.

1. My beloved cat Vesta passed away in May. What an awful day that was. Making the decision to give her eternal sleep was the most difficult choice I’ve ever made…

2. I lost my miracle pregnancy after five years of waiting. No words…

3. I’m currently watching my dog Lily struggle with the tumors on her leg, and it feels like it’s only going to get worse from here. She’s a ticking time bomb as I wait for the day where I have to make the decision yet again. I am certain it will be before Christmas…

What’s that saying? Death occurs in threes? I’m not one for superstition, but this pattern seems to be set for 2017.

So this brings us to the real question at hand. How am I doing after my miscarriage?

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Returning to the Scene: A 10-Year Anniversary Photoshoot

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On July 20, Glenn and I had the honor of returning to the location where we got married and having a private photo shoot. I had the idea in January to get pictures of just the two of us together for our 10-year anniversary, and it dawned on me that it would be amazing to return to the exact location where we said “I Do!” I had no idea how receptive the venue would be, but when I reached out to ask permission, they were so sweet and accommodating.

Today, I just want to share with you all the cherished images that were captured. This shoot was so much fun and I am incredibly grateful that we got the opportunity to do this. Deep down, I am really hoping that we can continue this tradition every 10 years… how cool would that be?! But for now, we’ll cherish what we’ve got. I hope you enjoy them as much as we do! And a special THANK YOU goes out to our dear friend and photographer, Samantha Smith. These pictures were captured perfectly!

All images used with permission by Samantha C. Photography

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Pregnancy After Infertility: Miscarriage

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This was such a painful post to sit down and write, but I knew for my own self that I needed the timeline documented. I knew I’d want to come back at some point and remember what happened. I also know that like infertility, miscarriage connects women… so today, I’m going to share that timeline.

July 11, 2017

For those who missed my very first ultrasound on Instagram, here is a little peek of our sweet pea:

The day I went in, I told the ultrasound tech that my baby could be off by a whole week because I knew I ovulated a week later than normal women. I knew this could date my ultrasound behind from my LMP. Even though my first blog post about this pregnancy was dated as week 6, I knew that was an average and could be a bit off. Sure enough, baby measured in line with when I ovulated verses my last period, but it was considered on time with conception. I walked into the ultrasound knowing it could be too soon to see a heartbeat, but was pleasantly surprised to see it flickering away on the screen at 100 BPM. To be just under 6 weeks along and see that tiny flicker, I was on cloud 9!

July 15, 2017

Just 4 days after the ultrasound, we had a scare and I ended up in the ER. I had spotting that went from brown (totally fine), to pink (okay, sorta fine), to bright red (not fine). According to the ultrasound in the ER, the baby was doing well and had grown quite a bit in those 4 days. Also, my HCG level was 34,000, and the heartbeat was stronger at 116 BPM, so I walked out of there feeling much better. They said I had a small subchorionic hemorrhage and that it can be quite normal. Even though my progesterone in the ER was still in a healthy range (16), I started taking Progesterone supplements to tell my body it’s not supposed to bleed and to further support the pregnancy.

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10 Things Learned After 10 Years of Marriage

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July 21, 2017 marks 10 years that Glenn and I have been married! We also got to celebrate 15 years together on July 5, so July is a pretty special month for us. It’s incredible to think about our relationship reaching these milestones – 15 and 10 are big years! Over the years, we’ve both learned a lot, but today I wanted to share 10 things I’ve learned after 10 years of marriage. This blog post has been in the works longer than any… I wanted to really put a lot of thought into it and not have trivial items in the list just to make it to 10. I wanted to really think it through.

So, without further adieu, here are the 10 things I’ve learned after 10 years of marriage.

1.) We Have to Take Time For Just Us. This is something we haven’t been the best at over the years, but we’re trying to be better better. Since our honeymoon, we have only taken one vacation alone together that didn’t include meeting up with other people, or attending a family member’s wedding. And that one trip? It was during our first year of marriage and was technically business related. We’ve always gone with other couples or (of course) taken Zoey. Our little family unit is very important to us, so we do everything as a unit. But as a couple it’s so important to get away as just us, and I’m not talking about just a date night. Later this week, we will spend 4 days in a cabin in the Smoky Mountains for our anniversary as just the two of us. No Zoey. No friends. No Family. No work-related meetings. Just us, on vacation, not sharing our time with anyone but each other. It shouldn’t have taken 10 years to get here, but we’ll be more intentional about this in the future.

2.) Trials Are A Blessing. I’m going to be transparent and tell you that Glenn and I have been going through one of the biggest trials of our marriage the last 2 years, and it has nothing to do with us, nothing to do with infertility, and everything to do with what we’ve been doing for a family member outside of our marriage… someone who has drained us in multiple ways. But as difficult as this situation has been, and as many times as I’ve said “why are we in this situation that we can’t seem to walk away from?”, the trial is a blessing because it has taught us a lot about serving others. I think when this trial is over (and I am begging the Lord to bring it to a close soon), we’ll appreciate each other and our life more than we ever have. We will also be firmer in our boundaries, and that in itself is a blessing that too many marriages fail at. Speaking of boundaries…

3.) Set Firm Boundaries and Do Not Waiver. Oh, this one is hard. Since we got married, we set some pretty firm boundaries when it came to what we would allow ourselves to be exposed to, when it came to how we allow ourselves to be taken advantage of, and when it came to who we allow in our lives. While the good news is we’ve succeeded in many ways at protecting ourselves from the toxicity that wants to creep in, the bad news is we’ve let down at least one boundary to be helpful to someone outside of our marriage (as previously mentioned), and it has hurt us. Our marriage should be priority over everyone else’s life problems. I know this, and yet have failed at upholding it. I am determined to make that change before the year is up, and will never again allow someone outside of our marriage to burden us this way. Up until 2015, we were so good at the boundary thing, and 2017 is the year of (hopefully) recovery.

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{Week 6} Pregnancy After Infertility | PLUS: How I’m Staying Healthy

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Disclaimer: I completely understand that these updates might be emotional triggers for those of you still waiting on your miracles to arrive. I understand if you want to skip over these each month. Right now, I plan to do these updates every 2 weeks because I do want to document this pregnancy. I’m going to continue to honor and bring awareness to infertility as well. I hope you continue to join me on this journey.
This post contains affiliate links.

Tomorrow is my first OB appointment and ultrasound, and I’m all sorts of nervous. I’ve never had an ultrasound this early, and I know it’s very unlikely that we’ll see a heartbeat yet, but I’m looking forward to seeing what is going on in there. I was originally scheduled for my first appointment to be in 2 more weeks, but it was decided I should go sooner rather than later.

I decided that for this pregnancy, I’m going to take the Mama Natural approach and focus on the Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual experience of creating new life. Every 2 weeks, I’ll share how I’ve been feeling, what I’ve been experiencing, and what I’m praying over this baby. At the end of each post, I’ll have some sort of extra focus, whether it’s what supplements I’m taking, what I’m reading (and what I think about it), what apps I’m using, recipes I’m relying on, morning sickness remedies, etc.

It has been almost eight years since I got my BFP with Zoey… EIGHT! That means that eight years ago this month, I was going through my 7th round of Clomid, going to follicle ultrasounds, triggering, and praying hard for it to take. So yes, I’ve been pregnant before, but it feels brand new for me. It’s amazing how much I’ve forgotten about pregnancy and how things have changed since then, from the “rules”, to the apps available, to the gadgets and gizmos in the store. Things have come a long way.

Without further adieu, here is my first Pregnancy After Infertility update.

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Expecting the Unexpected {Surprise Pregnancy After 5+ Years of Infertility}

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Oh boy. Where do I even begin?

My journey with infertility and PCOS began 10 years ago. My daughter Zoey came to us after our 7th round of Clomid, and today she is 7 years old. When she was 2, we started trying to grow our family through a variety of methods you can read the synopsis of here. Five years later, here we are…

I guess I’ll start with the fact that I gave up. My hope of giving Zoey a sibling was fading and I was in peace. In fact, after all these years of waiting, many of which were met with heartache, I have been in peace for quite some time. After our last Follistim cycle failed (read about that journey here), I was so broken. So much money spent… so much time put in… so many miles driven to appointments… countless ultrasounds, blood draws, and tears shed. Disappointment after disappointment occurred until I simply couldn’t take it anymore. Everything came to a screeching halt after our cycle failed in February 2016 and I haven’t pursued treatment since. I’ve been okay though. I have had my moments, but overall, God gave me immense peace that I know could have only come from him.

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