living life abundantly in spite of PCOS
Last summer, after 5.5 years of waiting, we caught a glimmer of hope that the blue room was going to become a nursery. I couldn’t believe it! Finally, after all these years of waiting and my daughter begging for a sibling, I was pregnant. All of those Pinterest nursery ideas I had saved on “what to do with a bedroom with two closets” were finally going to be put to use. It was finally going to happen!
But then, it didn’t…
Photo by Xavier Sotomayor on Unsplash
“Never give up!”
“Don’t stop the fight!”
“If you’re done trying, are you going to adopt?”
“When are you starting treatment again?”
How about never…
What happens when you’re just tired? Tired of fighting. Tired of waiting. Tired of hoping. Tired of disappointment. What happens when you’ve reached the max number of years you’re willing to hold on to the wait for babies?
I knew that the anniversary of becoming pregnant and miscarrying would be hard, but it’s almost like I forgot it was coming.
Suddenly, this deep ache within the pit of my soul has resurfaced. I’m feeling this agony that I haven’t felt in months, and I’m angry for it. I’m bitter. Summer is no longer my friend.
I’ve officially eaten Keto for a quarter of 2018 and here’s where I’m at:
Keto: when you’re only 0.8 lb from your weight loss goal and keep thinking: “how much do I have to poop to make this happen?” #ketolife
I’m just too close! I’m 5.8 lbs from my primary goal. I know I’ve said this before, but I cannot believe I made it this far. I went into Keto kicking and screaming. I thought I would miss carbs. Bread. Rice. I was certain I was setting myself up for failure. Instead, what I’ve found is that not only do those things sound gross to me now, but I feel so good that I can’t fathom going back.
I’m sure the time will come where I’ll feel the need to try one of these carbs again. I’m not going to say never. But I guarantee that when I do, it’ll be gluten-free because I have been learning that when gluten weasels its way into meals that I didn’t expect (like meat at a Mexican restaurant, or soy sauce), I feel like garbage and my stomach hurts so badly for hours. It’s just not worth it. It’s quite the shock when you thought you ordered Keto and it turns out you ate something detrimental to your health. It’s the worst.
I know. I’m late. I also didn’t post a June Restoration update, so… take that.
The truth is I was so busy the month of June. I was focused on my sister-in-law’s wedding celebrations while also being eyeball deep into planning our church’s Vacation Bible School, and as a result, I completely neglected some of my blog responsibilities. But now I’m back and (getting) focused, so here are some favorites from the second quarter of 2018!
Photo by Brigitte Tohm on Unsplash
We hit up TJ Maxx and bought several glass container sets for half the retail price (sometimes even less than half!) and I’m so glad we did. We only kept a few of our largest plastic containers for storing random things in the house (bath bombs, craft supplies, etc), and I kept my two sets of 21-Day Fix containers, but we replaced all of our food storage containers with glass. Most have locking lids, too. If you’re looking to replace your plastic food storage with glass, TJ Maxx is where it’s at! If you don’t have a TJ Maxx near you (or Marshall’s), these are the lunch portion containers I bought: FineDine Glass Meal Prep Containers (I only paid $7.99, so maybe look for a lightning deal).
Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash
We were in church when Zoey came up to me, glassy-eyed and lip quivering. Glenn leaned over to me and said: “she held the baby and got emotional…”
Zoey turned to me and buried her face into my chest during the remainder of worship, and she cried. And cried. And cried some more.
Me?
I was angry. I’m talking mama bear angry.
I was angry with God.
I stood there holding her, stroking her hair, and I prayed. But I didn’t pray to God, I prayed AT him. You know what I mean? There’s a distinct difference. It went down a little like this:
Ever since I started Keto, I’ve been asked several times each week what I recommend people do to get started. I wanted to share what I did to prepare for Keto, knowing it’s a major change, and what I recommend others do so they are better set up for success.
For some, this includes watching the documentary “The Magic Pill”. For me, I waited until I was five weeks in to watch it because I have a bad taste in my mouth when it comes to documentaries and how one-sided they are. If you like documentaries and can watch this one with a grain of salt without being a crazy person about it, watch it. But don’t use it as your basis for starting Keto. The documentary is great, but know that the results are not going to be the same for everyone. Truly dig around on the internet for reasons why it works, who it works best for, the risks involved for some people, and then decide if it’s worth trying for you. Do not just say “I’m starting Keto to lose a bunch of weight” and then jump in without doing your research. Read message boards where people ask questions and share their experiences, including blood test results. This is crucial before starting Keto.
Today marks two whole months of Keto! I truly can’t believe I made it this far, but here I am, and I’m planning to continue for another month. Today I wanted to share my progress as well as how I handled Keto while on vacation.
I started Keto on April 16 and since then I’ve lost 14.2 pounds! My first month I lost 9.6 pounds, and my second month I lost 4.6 pounds. My workouts have consisted primarily of weights and resistance training in my living room while watching Netflix. I don’t go to a gym (I HATE gyms), I don’t do a lot of cardio that makes me miserable, I just do what I like… and that’s weights. When watching a favorite Netflix show, it goes by much faster and it’s a lot less miserable of a time.
When I found out I was going to miscarry, I was 7.5 weeks pregnant and had already seen the heartbeat twice. The baby was looking strong, and even after experiencing a subchorionic hemorrhage that led to an ER visit, everything looked how it should. When it went from “how it should” to “how it shouldn’t” during my post-ER follow-up, I was devastated. While the baby did lose its heartbeat at 7.5 weeks, my body waited until 10.5 weeks to miscarry, and it was the most agonizing 3-week wait of my entire life.
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
Tomorrow we are leaving for our beach vacation, so I wanted to do a weigh-in and document how much I’ve lost in my first six (closer to seven) weeks of Keto. I started Keto on April 16 at my highest weight ever while not being pregnant. None of my clothes fit correctly and I was down to only fitting in leggings (barely – I looked like a busted can of biscuits) and one pair of jeggings. On May 16, I checked in with 9.6 pounds lost, fitting back into my normal jeans, and I was ecstatic with the results!
Today, I’m sitting around 6.5 weeks of Keto (Monday will be the start of week 7), and I’m thrilled to share that I am down a total of: