Life Abundant Blog

living life abundantly in spite of PCOS

My Infertility Story on Amateur Nester

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Today, I’m honored to share an interview I had with Lisa over at Amateur Nester. Lisa has collected some beautiful and heart-wrenching stories from the infertility community and has started to share them on her blog. Reading these interviews breaks my heart, but it is also a beautiful reminder that none of us are alone in our journeys. There are other couples who get it and women who are walking in our same shoes.

Please check out my interview with Lisa here: My Infertility Story on Amateur Nester

Be sure to follow along and read the other interviews she has collected. If you have ever felt alone in your infertility journey, these stories will help you.

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All She Wants for Christmas

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As we passed the toy aisle at Walmart, I asked my daughter if she could have one thing for Christmas, what that one thing would be. I fully expected her to say that she wanted a doll or a new game. Or one of those Hatchimal things that are old news now. You know, the thing everyone wanted last year and no one’s kid actually plays with anymore? The thing everyone freaked out over that wasn’t available at any store, but luckily my kid didn’t even notice their existence until the craze was over…

You know, something tangible and materialistic like every other seven-year-old.

Instead, this is how our conversation went:

  • Zoey: “Well… (insert long pause)… I think you know what I really want.”
  • Me: “No, not really…” (I had a feeling I knew the direction this was about to go in, but honestly hoped I was wrong)
  • Zoey: “If I could have just one thing, all I want is a baby brother or sister. Nothing else.”
  • Me: “Nothing else?”
  • Zoey: “Nothing else.”

Insert spear into heart.

I wish she would have asked for that silly Hatchimal.

[Read more…]

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5 Ways to Optimize Health for Conception in Your 30s

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This post is sponsored by The Stork OTC, an FDA-cleared, uniquely designed innovative device you use at home during ovulation to assist your chances of becoming pregnant. Find out more here.

After my last Follistim + IUI cycle was a bust, I decided to take a break from medicinal infertility care. When I made that decision, I had no idea just how long the break would be. Here we are 14 months later, and I’m still on a medical break, but doing some things to help optimize my health to hopefully improve my chances of conceiving while I’m in my 30s. I’m not sure if we’ll do medical treatment again, but in the meantime, I’m hopeful for a miracle and trying to be a good steward of the body I have.

Before I share the five ways that I optimize my health, here are some stats on infertility in our 30s. Please note that while these are statistics, they are just that – they are not the cold hard truth for all women, and quite frankly, God is bigger than these numbers. Science isn’t everything.

  • A healthy woman in her 30s has a 15-20% chance of conceiving each month.
  • Fertility gradually declines throughout in the 30s, especially after age 35. However, 1 in 5 women has her first baby after the age of 35.
  • As a woman reaches her mid- to late 30s, she’s less likely to conceive and more like to have miscarriages because the quality and quantity of her eggs are dwindling.
  • About 95% of 30-year-old women have only 12% of their original number of ovarian follicular cells, which can develop into eggs.
  • The mid-30s is when a woman’s fertility takes the biggest turn.

While these numbers may seem grim, research suggests that women with PCOS may actually see an increase in fertility as they age. Studies have shown that women with PCOS in their 30s have androgen decreases, which results in more regular periods, which further results in making it a little easier to identify our fertile windows! I don’t know about you ladies, but that is encouraging to me.

So now that we have numbers out of the way, here are five ways that I optimize my health to hopefully conceive in my 30s.

[Read more…]

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When Infertility and Motherhood Collide: The Loneliness on “The Other Side” that No One Tells You About

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I’ve had a difficult time writing this post because I really don’t know what to say. I know how I feel and what I think, but putting this subject into words has been increasingly difficult. I’ve tried many times to craft the right phrases but always hit delete. Sometimes being so vulnerable is easy, and at other times, it’s sucking the breath right out of my lungs.

I realized recently just how lonely this phase of life is. I don’t think I know a single person in my every day life who is a mother to an elementary-aged child and still struggles with the effects of infertility.

There, I said it.

Nine years ago, when I was first diagnosed with PCOS and introduced to the world of infertility, I had it in my mind that once I became a mom, infertility wouldn’t be a burden anymore. I thought that surely this was only a phase… that trying to cross the threshold into motherhood was the worst of it, and that it was all uphill from there. But then I had Zoey, a vocal little girl who always speaks her mind, and from the very age of two started asking me “mommy, why do all my friends have brothers and sisters and I don’t?” Two years old. I started to feel a sense of urgency and we started trying to grow our family. Five years later, as Zoey is on the cusp of turning seven, and while I’m finally in the best phase of peace that I have ever been in, I find that I often times feel lonely.

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The “Not Trying” Stage of Infertility

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Every time I open the refrigerator, I see it.

Tucked away behind a pane of foggy transparent plastic as the warm air of the kitchen rushes against the cold shelf. The very thing that defined expensive, consecutive, heartbreaking rounds of treatment that led us into our 4th year of trying to conceive. The thing that I was sure would be the result of another baby. The thing that now holds a vial of unusable medication because it has been punctured for 10 months and counting…

The Follistim pen.

It’s still there… and every time I see it, I look past it, grab what I need, and move about my day. I guess I shouldn’t say “every time”, because there are moments where I stop and stare at it until the refrigerator starts beeping at me, as if to say “get it together, woman, you have a life to live.”

10 months. It’s seriously been 10 months since I cried out, “I just need a break. I can’t do this anymore.” Ten months since I thought “we’ll start again in the summer.” Ten months since we entered into the 4th year of trying… and now we’re creeping up on Year 5.

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Conceivable: My Experience Using This Natural Alternative to Infertility Treatment for PCOS

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Disclaimer: I received a free, 4-month trial subscription to Conceivable, and as a response, am writing this completely honest review. All opinions are my own and were not influenced by the free subscription in any way. In fact, my review is very mixed… so how’s that for honesty? This is kind of long and detailed, so please grab a cup of tea and make yourself comfortable… it’s going to be a minute. 

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What is Conceivable?

Conceivable is a more natural approach to preparing your body for a baby and includes a series of herbs in tincture form as well as meal plans, suggestions on how to relax and be more mindful of your stress levels, and one-on-one care. According to Conceivable.com: “Conceivable looks past the standard diagnoses of infertility toward the underlying health factors and disease states that may be causing them. By identifying why you aren’t getting pregnant, we can help you make progress, naturally.” It is backed by a Medical Advisory Board and led by a specialist in Oriental Reproductive Medicine.

My Experience with Conceivable

Cycle 1

Perfect 29-day cycle (ovulated on day 15 with a 14-day luteal phase). Nearly tri-phastic temps, pregnancy suspected (but didn’t happen), period was less clotty, overall very happy with the response.

Cycle 2

Almost perfect 29-day cycle (ovulated on day 18 with an 11-day luteal phase). Lower luteal phase temps, very jagged temperatures, lots of hot flashes. My response was less than desirable on cycle #2… I was pleased with the length of the cycle, but not the later ovulation or short luteal phase. I was grateful to ovulate, but it felt like it was in vain. I also felt like my concerns with my short luteal phase and jagged temps were dismissed during this cycle. Was told to get more sleep and exercise less.

Cycle 3

33-day cycle, ovulated around day 21 with an 12-day luteal phase. Had seven days of fertile cervical mucus from days 13-19, so my body sure was trying but seemed to be failing to produce a decent quality egg. Low luteal phase temps suggesting poor egg quality and low progesterone. Cycle mirrored some of my old Clomid cycles.

Cycle 4

29-day cycle, ovulated on day 16, 13-day luteal phase. Low luteal phase temps suggesting poor egg quality and low progesterone. Again, felt like my concerns with my jagged temps were dismissed during this cycle. Was told to get more sleep, exercise less, drink less water, and try to eat “warming foods”.

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Laying Down the Burden of Infertility

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“Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. All of you, take up My yoke and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for yourselves. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

~Matthew 11:28-30 HCSB

At church on Sunday, our pastor shared a profound message about laying our burdens down. Everyone has burdens they carry. Some burdens weigh us down more than others. I know for me personally, some of my burdens I have been able to cast aside, set healthy boundaries, and live a better life. They rear their ugly heads periodically, but I am able to say “you have no power of me” (name that movie!) and move forward. Others are harder.

Infertility, however, has been a whole different ballgame. I have been unable to cast it aside, to move forward in peace, to completely accept it. Every time I think “I’m totally fine”, it blows up. I have fought it for many years—before and after having Zoey—and it has dominated many areas of my life. Infertility has become my identity. PCOS has become who I am, even though I constantly speak out against it.

At the end of the sermon, we were asked to write our burdens down and leave them at the alter… to literally leave them at the cross, and to walk away from them. For me, it was a no brainer what I was going to write down.

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After leaving my burden at the alter, I returned to my seat and started praying: “Jesus, I surrender. I officially give up my wants and desires. I accept what You have given me, and I am leaving my burdens at Your feet.” I still felt this really heavy weight on my chest. I remember thinking I wasn’t supposed to feel this heavy weight still… I felt like I was being disobedient. I felt ashamed. I totally didn’t feel the way I thought I should after just leaving my burden at the cross. Shouldn’t I feel refreshed and like a weight had been lifted?

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On Infertility and Turning 32

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So, I wrote this post in the order I thought it through, and you’re going to think I’m either (a) crazy; (b) sleep deprived; or (c) that I have serious attention issues. I went back and read it when I was all done and thought “Lawd, what is wrong with me?” Bear with me… I’m keeping it as is because let’s be real, I don’t have the time or the will to reorganize it into something that makes sense. And that’s all she wrote.

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Today is my 32nd birthday!

I was asked the other day how it feels to be turning 32, and it honestly doesn’t feel any different. 32 isn’t really a milestone birthday. It’s one that comes and goes, and is just kind of there.

Can I make a confession?

I don’t feel 32.

Quite often, I feel like a young girl in my 20s, hopeful for a future of babies, telling myself “you’ve got plenty of time!” When I was a 20-something, I was convinced I’d be all done popping out babies by the time I hit 30. The thought of having babies in my 30s was foreign to me and a “surely not”.

And yet here I am. I’m 32… and my family of 3 still feels like someone is missing.

[Read more…]

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What MEN Want You to Know About Infertility

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Today, I am sending you over to Caroline’s blog In-Due-Time for a post on “What MEN Want You to Know About Infertility”. My husband graciously agreed to participate in this post, which I appreciated. Ladies, this isn’t easy on them either. I think it’s easier for us to be vocal about it, but how quickly we forget about them. Our best friends. Our men.

Thank you, Caroline, for pulling together this post.

Head on over: What MEN Want You to Know About Infertility

What Men What You to Know About Infertility - In Due Time Blog

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3 Ways Surviving Infertility is Like the Ocean

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Last weekend, I got the opportunity to do a quick trip to the beach with a few girlfriends. I absolutely love the beach. I’m always in awe of how big the ocean is, how different it looks from coast to coast, and how God perfectly paints the sunset over the water in ways we can’t see anywhere else. I’m not a big fan of having sand in places it doesn’t belong, but it’s worth it for the views and majestic beauty of the water. I have immense respect for the ocean and its inhabitants.

While at the beach, I thought about my journey through infertility… where I’m at… where I’ve been… where I’m going. I spent some time just staring at the water and thinking. I thought about how the ocean reminds me of infertility and the journey we go through to survive it.

Infertility Like the Ocean

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