Today for National Infertility Awareness Week, I’m participating in a collaboration hosted by Caroline over at In Due Time. If you are going through infertility and need encouragement, this post is for you:
Today in honor of National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW), please welcome Shawna from Lunchbox Babies! Shawna is no stranger to infertility and has a beautiful story. Today, she’s sharing some life lessons that she’s learned on her journey. I hope that today’s post encourages and inspires you.-Jessi
Life Lessons From My Journey With Infertility & Miscarriage
Since launching my blog, I have chatted with several women about infertility and loss. The one theme that runs through these conversations is how hard being in the middle of it all feels. How isolating. How alone.
I am so thankful that my crazy road of infertility and loss is over. However, the lovely “what if” can still rear its ugly head, and I must make a conscious effort to move on from those thoughts.
I have learned so many things about life and myself throughout this crazy journey of mine. As I walk forward, looking back has been a strangely rewarding experience. I have gotten to see the lessons that I have learned, and I want to pass them onto you.[Read more…]
Disclaimer: I received the Modern Fertility kits free to try out in exchange for a review. However, like all of my reviews, all comments and opinions are my own, are honest, and not swayed in any way, shape, or form. Read my full disclosure policy.
When Modern Fertility reached out to me in October 2018, I didn’t have any plans to check my hormone levels or pursue additional fertility treatment of any kind. However, when I saw all of the levels they could check with a finger prick in my own home, I decided to just go for it. At this point, I had nothing to lose, but only hope to gain.
The Modern Fertility test checks these hormones, as long as you’re not on any kind of hormonal birth control:
- AMH (anti-mullerian hormone [egg reserve])
- FSH (follicle stimulating hormone)
- E2 (estradiol)
- TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone)
- FT4 (thyroxine [thyroid])
- LH (luteinizing hormone)
- PRL (prolactin)
- T (testosterone)
Here’s how the process went:[Read more…]
The infertility community is full of incredible and supportive women with so many different stories. Whether trying for a first, second, third, etc. child, there is someone who everyone can relate to. However, it gets tricky when you’re in a position like me…
Last summer, after 5.5 years of waiting, we caught a glimmer of hope that the blue room was going to become a nursery. I couldn’t believe it! Finally, after all these years of waiting and my daughter begging for a sibling, I was pregnant. All of those Pinterest nursery ideas I had saved on “what to do with a bedroom with two closets” were finally going to be put to use. It was finally going to happen!
But then, it didn’t…
Read More > The Room That Was Supposed To Be A Nursery
“Never give up!”
“Don’t stop the fight!”
“If you’re done trying, are you going to adopt?”
“When are you starting treatment again?”
How about never…
What happens when you’re just tired? Tired of fighting. Tired of waiting. Tired of hoping. Tired of disappointment. What happens when you’ve reached the max number of years you’re willing to hold on to the wait for babies?
You rest. You stop and you rest.
I knew that the anniversary of becoming pregnant and miscarrying would be hard, but it’s almost like I forgot it was coming.
Suddenly, this deep ache within the pit of my soul has resurfaced. I’m feeling this agony that I haven’t felt in months, and I’m angry for it. I’m bitter. Summer is no longer my friend.
Read More > Déjà Vu: One Year After Miscarriage
My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?
Why are you so far from my deliverance
and from my words of groaning?
My God, I cry by day, but you do not answer,
by night, yet I have no rest.
But you are holy,
enthroned on the praises of Israel.
~Psalm 22:1-3 (CSB)
We were in church when Zoey came up to me, glassy-eyed and lip quivering. Glenn leaned over to me and said: “she held the baby and got emotional…”
Zoey turned to me and buried her face into my chest during the remainder of worship, and she cried. And cried. And cried some more.
I was angry. I’m talking mama bear angry.
I was angry with God.
I stood there holding her, stroking her hair, and I prayed. But I didn’t pray to God, I prayed AT him. You know what I mean? There’s a distinct difference. It went down a little like this:
It’s been exactly one year since my last pregnancy began. May marks the same exact cycle that resulted in a shocking miracle pregnancy that I never expected after five years of waiting, and it ultimately ended in miscarriage. Now here we are, in year six of waiting, exactly one year later, and I felt compelled to give a quick update on what’s happening, what the last year has looked like in terms of fertility, and my hopes for the future.
Fertility After Miscarriage
It’s no surprise that my state of fertility after the miscarriage went right back to its old ways. I had very sporadic cycles with a lot of intermittent bleeding (in fact, I had 11 “cycles” in 9 months) but finally regained control once I started using essential oils for my cycles. Sometimes my cycles are textbook perfect and sometimes they’re very similar to the cycle I last got pregnant on, but either way, I’m functioning like a woman should. Sure, ovulation feels like a grenade went off in my abdomen, and it follows with 2 lbs of excess fluid and bruising, but hey, I’m ovulating. Beggars can’t be choosers, right?
I don’t know why this bothers me so much, but I never thought I’d be in the position to have to think this through. I’ve always been very public with my story, so talking to people has become very easy. But I had no idea how to properly respond to that question when someone who didn’t know my story asked it.
How many children do you have?
…on this side of heaven.
And one we’re missing deeply.