When we said “yes” to adoption, we originally said “no” to embryo adoption. IVF never felt like it was meant to be a part of our story, and I’ve always felt like embryo adoption was an amazing thing that I would be open to, but Glenn was really unsure about it for a long time. I think it was just too scary and my body is so unpredictable. Let’s be real: adoption is scary. And unpredictable. As we’ve entered into this journey, I’ve learned how important it is for us to be flexible because anything can happen to change our plans at any point.
In our case, our most recent miscarriage led to this change of plans.
I love pregnancy. I loved feeling Zoey grow within me. I loved her kicks. I loved her hiccups. I loved every pain I felt, every wave of nausea, and every time we’d hear her sweet heartbeat. I’m not ashamed of my stretch marks because I earned them! My pregnancy with her wasn’t the easiest thing considering we had vasa previa and preterm labor. I spent 5 weeks in the hospital on bedrest waiting for her to be born safely. She was born 5 weeks early and spent 3.5 weeks in NICU. Our story has never been traditional or what you’d call “normal”. But still, I’d do it all over again for her or for any baby.
When I went through my 2nd miscarriage (3rd pregnancy), someone very dear to me reminded me that she has two frozen embryos and she wants us to have them. This is a very generous offer that she had presented to us a couple of years ago but we just didn’t feel like the time was right. They’re 2.5 hours away from us and it just felt unreachable. But as we’ve been pursuing adoption and discovered that we’re willing to travel for a whole day to get to an adopted baby, we realized how realistic it would be to attempt embryo adoption.
But can I carry?
Here is where things get tricky.
We don’t know if the miscarriages are because of me, or because of genetic issues with my husband and I. One in four pregnancies end in miscarriage so it could be just two really bad flukes. It could be because of my PCOS and poor egg quality. We just don’t know. The only way to know is to get checked… so on September 16, that’s exactly what is going to happen. I officially have an appointment at the fertility clinic that those two frozen embryos call home. This appointment is only the beginning… I am sure it’s going to take some time to run all of the tests this doctor will want to run. And if everything is good and the doctor can’t find a reason that I cannot carry, then we’ll begin the paperwork for embryo adoption. If everything is not good, we’re looking at potentially doing surrogacy, which is another post for another day. Either way, we’ve been chosen by an incredibly generous person to adopt her embryos and I can’t even explain how amazing this feels.
At this point, we have zero plans to pursue traditional IVF with egg retrieval. We do not plan to create biological embryos. We plan to adopt either way. We’ve talked about this a lot and I think if we didn’t have Zoey and were starting from the beginning to grow our family, we’d maybe consider it. But that’s not where we are, and adoption means so much to us that this makes much more sense for us right now.
AND how cool would it be to carry my adopted babies?
People asked me in the past if I’d ever considered pursuing surrogacy and I always said no. It’s very expensive to have a stranger surrogate and my state is not surrogate friendly when the embryo isn’t biologically yours, so unless someone I personally know is feeling very generous and only wants us to cover prenatal, postnatal, medical and legal expenses, it’s the equivalent to adopting three times domestically. I guess never say never because you just don’t know what God will present as an option. As of right now, we have 2 embryos waiting on us, and we have a potential surrogate!
Never a dull moment in our journey, ya’ll.
We’re still adopting! Our story is just going to look a little different…
Note: The embryos in the image above are not the ones we are adopting. Those belong to a sweet anonymous friend on Instagram. I don’t have an image of the embryos we’re adopting yet, but hope to soon!