This past weekend, I did something that was incredibly difficult for me. Something I had to mentally prepare myself for weeks to do, and physically for weeks to organize.
I sold my baby stuff.
Not all of it… but a lot of it.
The cute little baby clothes. The two different play mats. The toddler plates. The stroller.
While many women are buying new baby items to save away for their future bundle of joy, I said goodbye to mine.
And I hated every second of it.
Many of these items should have been used by a couple more babies by now. Oh, how grateful I am to have had 1 baby to enjoy them. But I was saving them for the baby brother- or sister-to-be. The one we’d say “oh, look at how he/she fits in that sleeper just like big sister!” and “I can’t believe Zoey was ever this small and used this same hooded towel!” Or, you know, the side-by-side pictures of baby #1 and baby #2 on the same blanket.
We have some things left to get rid of, mainly clothes. Some things that didn’t sell are getting saved for a big consignment sale in August. What doesn’t sell from there, I’ll either keep… or Goodwill it.
The rest? The things I am keeping near and dear to my heart? The favorite onesies. The custom made burp cloths. The cloth diaper stash. The Moby wrap. I’m keeping them. Big expensive things such as the crib, changing table, and Pack N Play… I’m keeping them.
I’m not completely ready to release the hold on those items, but I no longer have about 75% of the stuff I was saving for another baby. At the rate we’re going, Zoey will be 7 or older before we have another baby. I’m sure by the time we’re blessed again, there will be new items I’d like to try.
I’m holding onto a few items in hope for more babies… but I admit, I also feel like it’s in vain. I don’t know what to do about that. I haven’t completely given up hope, but I’d be lying to all of you if I said I still had the same level of hope that I had this time last year. Or the year before. Or the year before that. I’m not as hopeful. In fact, I feel defeated. We’re 4 years and 3 months into waiting for another baby. It just doesn’t feel like it’s going to happen.
I know some people wait longer.
I know some people never experience pregnancy.
I know adoption is an option.
I know it’s still possible to conceive.
I’m just being real.
This past weekend, I released the hold. It was hard. It was ugly to prepare for. But I released it. It’s gone forever. I’ll never see those same items again. Part of that feels good… but it mostly hurts.