For me personally, Mother’s Day has 10 years of significance and quite the history, and it may not be what you think.
Mother’s Day 2006
Ten years ago, I was blissfully in love with my boyfriend, unaware of what the day would hold… unaware of what our future held. I knew nothing of infertility… nothing of PCOS… nothing of what becoming a mother would mean in my life. All I knew is I loved this boy with every ounce of my being, that we were coming up on 4 years together, and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
On that day, I went to church thinking it was any other Sunday, albeit Mother’s Day. Little did I know, he had schemed a proposal in front of the entire church that would change my life forever, and give a new meaning to Mother’s Day. In front of our entire church family, he got down on one knee and asked me to be his forever, and I said YES!
After this day, I only had a few Mother’s Days left in naivety before the reality of infertility became mine.
Mother’s Day 2009
This particular Mother’s Day, I was in the thick of infertility treatments and further testing of both me and Glenn. I remember weeping at church during service. Infertility was mentioned in the sermon, with a heartfelt, “I’m so sorry if you are experiencing this” and I lost it. I remember sitting in the back and just felt like the entire building collapsed on my chest. I wanted to run and hide, and I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. As each Mother’s Day with Zoey passes, I think of that particular Sunday and of you ladies who are still waiting on baby #1… I remember the weight of the room, and I think of you, and weep for you as I pray for your babies to come.
Mother’s Day 2010
Mother’s Day 2010 was a day I’ll never forget because Zoey was 6 weeks old and she got to join us at church. After battling infertility, a vasa previa pregnancy, and a NICU stay, I was finally able to hold a baby in my arms on Mother’s Day Sunday and show her off. I wept again on this particular Sunday, but it was weeping of gratitude… and some postpartum hormones.
Mother’s Day 2012
Mother’s Day 2012 was marked with the passing of my Grandma Faye. She passed the night before, around 8 PM, and I had to fly back home to TN from FL on Mother’s Day. I remember what a solemn day it was. I remember how I felt in the airports as I started in Ft. Lauderdale and connected in Atlanta (nightmare) before finally making it home to Nashville. Each year on Mother’s Day, I think of her and what she meant to me. She was one of my favorite people on this earth. She was feisty, loving, sacrificial, and strong. She is the little old lady everyone loved, and the one I hope to be like some day.
Mother’s Day 2016
Besides her birth, the happiest moment for me as a mother is the day that Zoey decided that she wanted to publicly proclaim becoming a Christian. On May 2, 2016, with me by her side, her daddy lead her in prayer to profess that she believes in Jesus, His death, burial, and resurrection, and that she wants to follow Him. In the Baptist church, we believe that baptism is an act of obedience and public profession of faith, so for us it is reserved for when a person understands what following Christ means and not something we do on babies (we do church dedications instead). We also believe in full submersion in water. Zoey understands Jesus and what He did for her. On Mothers Day 2016, she was baptized by her daddy at our church, and it was one of the best days of my life.
Mother’s Day has had quite a reputation in my life over the years, from extreme joy to extreme sorrow. It’s an emotional day for me in so many ways, not just for myself, but for you reading this who are in pain… for you who probably wept on Sunday for the loss or longing of your babies… for you who weep today, unsure of the future. My heart aches for you, sisters. My Mother’s Days over the years have been a roller coaster, but I am so incredibly grateful for all of the positive memories this day holds for me. I no longer have to reflect on what I don’t have on this day, but what I do have and what has happened. There has been so. much. good.
I pray that you all find the same peace with Mother’s Day next year, and that it may hold a history for you beyond the pain of infertility. A history of joy, gratefulness, and honor. You deserve it. Make new memories. Make next year’s Mother’s Day different.