It has been two weeks since I received the news that my 4th Follistim cycle was ending without a baby. Over the last two weeks, I’ve been all over the place emotionally. Obviously the day I received the news was very difficult, but I usually bounce back pretty quickly. A few days after receiving the news, a new cycle started, and I was able to praise that I made it to 15dpo thanks to the booster trigger shot. So, that’s the good news in this story. Obviously I have to have two trigger shots, no matter what. Good to know.
So, how do I feel now?
Well, you’d probably expect me to say, “I’m glad I don’t have to go to appointments twice a week. I’m glad I don’t need ultrasounds or labs. I’m glad I’m not injecting myself with Follistim every day, constantly looking for a new spot that isn’t bruised.”
I’m not glad though. I wish I was going through those things right now. I wish I was continuing with treatment. I feel like a part of my routine is missing, not like I am able to take a breath for a couple of months. And honestly, it stinks, because I know I need this break, but I don’t want to be on it. It feels like I am wasting my time right now.
I need to break to recover physically and to give my ovaries a rest. After each Follistim cycle, I end up with a cyst that is 30-40mm in size. I also end up with leftover empty follicles of varying sizes. All of that has to clean out. Not feeding them Follistim will only benefit me in the long run.
Then of course, there is the financial side of things. Follistim is not cheap, by any means. Add the expenses of the trigger shot(s), labs, and ultrasounds, it adds up quick. We’ve had a chunk of our budget set aside just to cover the labs and ultrasounds, but Follistim has gone above and beyond that budget, so now I need to take time to pay that part of my credit card back down before we start all over again.
I really wish our insurance would cover some of this. Those of you with coverage, you are beyond blessed. Beyond. Just know that. Because the rest of us? We have to pay out of pocket. Insurance has given me a break on the HSG and labs, but we had to negotiate a discount with the ultrasound place for me to pay cash at the door… twice a week, every week.
Aaaaand then there is the ER visit from my bad gastritis episode.
Aaaaand my husband dislocated his shoulder, so we have that to pay for, too.
Before January was over, my deductible for the year was met… HSG + ER visit = deductible met. My husband’s? Almost met thanks to one ER trip earlier this week.
But now we have to pay those deductibles. HSG is paid for, but the ER visits… now we have those to add to the budget, too.
So as you can see, it’s imperative for multiple reasons that I take this break. I am hoping it will only be for the months of February & March, and that come April we can start fresh again, but I’m not sure we’ll be able to afford it. The good news is we have a lawn mower getting paid off in March, and a car getting paid off in June, so those freed up payments will help tremendously with these medical bills.
Between now and our next fertility treatment, I’m continuing the 21-Day Fix/Shakeology program, and we have Easter and Zoey’s 6th birthday coming up.
Excuse me while I go cry in the corner over her baby scrapbook. Good thing those pages are protected…