Warning: this post is the result of just not feeling well. I’m complaining and being a big baby, but we’re all allowed to do this every once in a while… am I right, ladies?
I randomly ovulated on my own this cycle.
Somewhere around day 18.
Normally you’d think I’d be jumping for joy, bouncing off the walls, shouting from the rooftops with my fists in the air: “my girls work!”… but that’s not the case.
The truth is it makes me miserable.
Since I have PCOS, it generally means that my ovaries mass produce tiny follicles instead of just 1 or 2 at a time like normal women do. The egg quality is very poor, and quite frequently my body will go through phases where it attempts to ovulate multiple times per month because it doesn’t know what to do with all of the mess. Ovulation will fail, I’ll get a 7-day break, then it tries again. This is what usually results in really long cycles, most of which are annovulatory because my girls just give up.
The whole thing feels like popcorn is exploding off my ovaries. Think of that the next time you put a bag of popcorn in your microwave.
If I didn’t ovulate, I’ll eventually get my period at some point and everything starts over again, but I have no idea when to expect it. It could be 45 days, 60 days, no one knows.
If I did ovulate (albeit with poor egg quality), my progesterone rises and 5-7 days later I feel like I want to hibernate. You may be wondering: “how miserable can it possibly be if you ovulated on your own?” Here’s the thing – my body doesn’t know what to do with the extra progesterone since I rarely ovulate, so it gives me every pregnancy symptom in the book with no pregnancy. Every time. Tender breasts? Check. Headache? Check. Full body fatigue? Check. Nausea? Check. Excess hunger? FEED MY FACE!
There’s never a baby.
A big fat progesterone baby.
And I refuse to allow myself to think otherwise. I’ve learned a thing or two since 2008…
Even if my progesterone level is an 8 or 9 and would require supplements with pregnancy, I get the same symptoms. That’s a terrible level, and yet the symptoms continue because I don’t seem to metabolize progesterone well.
This is what hormonal imbalances look like, people. Ugly.
This would all be worth it if there was a baby. I wouldn’t be complaining right now. But for now, I’m going to complain. I just don’t feel well… at all. And to make matters worse, it seems like I only ovulate and get my period when it’s time to go on vacation, or go camping, or go do something fun that requires me to be outside all day. This weekend we’re going to Holiday World… and guess what is due? It’s due the day we go, which means if it hits “on time”, then the day we’ll be at the theme park will be the heaviest day of the entire thing.
In the August heat… gravity working against me… I mean, really?
I rarely ovulate and can’t have normal cycles, yet I always get my period when there is fun on the calendar. I’m begging my body to jump ship early and just start before then. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to respond well to my verbal threats.
Sorry to those of you who read this and are coming on the same trip. If you catch me stuffing my face with funnel cake and fried pickles, don’t be too surprised.
Oh, I should probably also add that the day we go, the day that my period is due, is also the day I got my BFP when I was pregnant with Zoey 6 years ago. SIX YEARS AGO is the last time I saw a BFP.
I’m just really tired. And as a result, I felt like complaining a little. I never promised this blog would always be sunshine and rainbows because infertility is far from that. But I do try to be positive most of the time.
Today I just want a cheeseburger for breakfast.