The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you;
He will never leave you nor forsake you.
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
I recently learned the hard lesson of expecting the unexpected. You would think by now I’d be a pro at this.
Decide to save for a trip to Disney? Let’s throw a trip to the E.R., a few cases of strep, and 2 ear infections in the mix over a 3-month period. Hello, medical bills that weren’t in the budget!
Ice storm outside? Oh, I’m sorry, your tires are bald. Time to get stuck in your driveway for a week!
Driving down the interstate? No problem, here’s a rock to hit your windshield and crack it!
Trying to conceive? How about a dose of infertility!
I’m no stranger to the unexpected. I’m the kind of person who thinks I have life planned out, because I’m an OCD, scrapbooking, label-making, color-coding, spreadsheet-using kind of girl. It’s what I do. I plan, and when the thing I’ve been planning is over, I’m making plans to plan something else. I organize boards on Pinterest according to every holiday, every season, every aspect of my life because it’s just the right thing to do.
But then sometimes life throws curve balls. Of course in my case, I get a lot of those, but a few weeks ago, I was hit dead in the face with one that I did not see coming.
It started on a Thursday night, just like any Thursday night. Glenn was at men’s group at church, I was at home, Zoey was in bed. Pretty sure I binge watched FRIENDS on Netflix because I’m trying to get it all in before they take it away, like Netflix likes to do. I was minding my own business, and then I went to bed. That night, I had a dream. I dreamed that I went into work the next day, and was delivered the news that the division I work for was shutting down. I remember waking up the next morning completely out of it. You know when you’ve been in a deep sleep and you wake up feeling like 20 blankets are laying on top of you? That was me that Friday morning.
I got up, got ready for work, drove in, probably walked in 10 minutes late because of traffic on the bypass (I can’t even…), and we had a staff meeting. We all strolled in, giggling about this and that, picked our seats, notebooks in hand, ready to face the day. It was Friday after all, what could possibly go wrong?
The doors were shut. Oh dear Lord, the doors were shut.
Then came the news.
I can’t recount what was said. I pretty much checked out after the news. All I knew was I walked in that morning as if it was any normal day, and walked out in absolute tears, with a “close of the division” date, information about severance, and unable to breathe.
The day the news was delivered, I couldn’t think… I didn’t sleep that night, I couldn’t focus, I just couldn’t deal. And it wasn’t just about the job loss and how it impacted me… I was thinking how it was going to impact the customers involved. As you all know, I keep work details to a minimum on this blog so I won’t really say much else about that, but the mere thought of hurting others was devastating to me, and I knew I was going to have to be a part of delivering the news to them. Kill me. Kill me now.
While I was wallowing in the sorrow of having to let others down, God was moving. The day the news was delivered, I was handed a job description for a role in the same company that sounded great on paper, minus some travel involved. I’m no stranger to travel for work, but I’m currently in a position in the church that requires me to be there every Sunday, and that’s not something I’m willing to sacrifice. I went ahead and had a phone interview for the job and decided to just see what happens. I figured if it’s God’s will, I can’t fight it, so I’ll pursue. In the meantime, I went onto my employer’s internal job portal and started digging around.
If a ray of light could shine down from the heavens onto my computer screen, I’d say that is what happened when I saw this other job description. I’ll refer to it as the rainbow job. I reached out to my HR contact about it and she said she’d give the manager my resume, but that they were already at the end of interviewing outside candidates and had it narrowed down to two people. No one internally had applied.
The weekend came and went, and then it was time to face Monday morning. While we were dealing with setting a plan for closing out the division I work for, I had an impromptu meeting with the manager over the rainbow job. I felt like we hit it off pretty well, and I waited. Afterward, I had a real interview with the whole department, and also another interview for the travel opportunity.
Before this becomes a novel, I’ll just say this: within a 7-day period, I went from losing a job I loved, to crying hysterically in the bathroom, to interviewing for 2 different jobs at the same company, to getting offered the rainbow job while stuffing Easter eggs at church, to crying hysterically yet again – this time tears of absolute joy and relief. Everything came together full circle within 7 days and I’m just in awe. I get to stay at the company that I love so dearly and just move into a new role.
I’m in awe of who God is.
I’m in awe of His sovereignty.
I’m in awe of His perfect plan.
I’m in awe of the events over those 7 days.
I’m in awe because I know He went before me. He knew this was coming. He had a plan. It was unexpected to me, but not to Him, and it ended up perfect. And while a part of me will always deeply love and miss my old position, I’ll never regret a single day of it. I’ll never forget the relationships I formed and the industry I adapted to.
I learned something big during those 7 days.
There is a reason I haven’t been able to get pregnant. And I’m okay with it. Those 7 days were the ultimate test. And while they were totally unrelated to infertility, they reminded me that if I can be so trusting of Him in my job, I have to be able to be so trusting in my fertility. I just have to.
I have less than 2 weeks to close out this chapter before the next one begins. God is good. He was good when I lost my job. He was good when He planned the new one.
He’s always good. Unexpected, and good.
Onward I go…