Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of questions about our journey to become a family of 4. Mostly consisting of, “So where are you at?” Where I’m at is nowhere. We’re just coasting right now and I’m completely okay with that most days. I’ll be honest and cryptic and just say that we’re in the middle of waiting on something to either happen or not happen, and I should know by next week if it’s a go or not. I can’t say much else, although I know I’ve alluded to this since January and for that, I’m sorry! If it’s a no, I’ll likely not say anything at all, to be honest.
But if it’s a yes, it’ll warrant a blog post.
We’ll see what happens.
That said, it completely determines where we are with TTC. For now, it’s a standstill. I am still doing really well with taking my Maca, L-Arginine, Vitamin E and B Complex. I’m partially consuming Royal Jelly from time to time. The good thing about all of this is that the longer you take supplements, the better the results. So I guess I am basically resetting my body and have been since about February. My cycles have been all over the place… my first one post-Clomid was a perfect 32 days, while the next one was 40. I have no idea what cycle day I’m on right now (say what?!) and that is such a breath of fresh air.
Things are completely standing still in our journey and for now that’s okay. I’m trying to focus on the right now instead of the future. When things are completely still, you sometimes get a moment to breathe and reflect on what you really want. For now, we’re still not chasing adoption, we’re still wanting more biological children. I think if we were ready to adopt, we’d both feel the green light and it would be so obvious.
I did have a dream the other night that we made the decision to adopt, but I didn’t wake up with an epiphany moment. We’re not adopting. We’re not there yet.
Adoption is not an instant solution to infertility. Adoption is not easy. You don’t “just adopt”. Adoption is a calling and we’d have to be on the same page with it. Since we’re not, it’s not happening. And that’s okay. We want more biological children… notice I said children. Plural. As in more than just one.
I’m only 29 years old for crying out loud. It can happen.
For now, things are still. The sea isn’t raging, it’s calm and serene. Some days I cry, like when I realized the other day that this is National Infertility Awareness Week. I may or may not have cried on Monday. At work. Don’t judge me.
I don’t need a reminder to be aware. Just sayin’. I’m pretty aware.
Anyway, that’s all for now. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. Take time to be still. Reflect. Breathe.