I am no stranger to Clomid. We used to be friends in 2009. I used it many times in our effort to bring Zoey into our lives. I hated it then, I hate it now, but it’s really a love/hate relationship. I love how I responded when TTC Zoey, especially since I responded better with each passing cycle, but I didn’t love how it made me feel. I think I am responding to this cycle already, based on the side effects I am experiencing, and that’s cool and all, but per the usual, I don’t love how it makes me feel.
These are the five side effects I’m already experiencing during this Clomid journey:
Hot Flashes. What else can make a 50-degree evening feel like you’re stuck in the Sahara Desert and give you the urge to stick your face in the freezer? CLOMID.
Headaches. What else can take your typical seasonal headaches and turn them into migraines faster than you can eat a taco? CLOMID.
Fatigue. What else can make you irritated at the sheer sound of someone’s breathing? CLOMID.
Tiredness. What else can make you feel like you’re a ZzZzZzZz…. CLOMID.
Swollen Ovaries. What else can make your ovaries feel like a leprechaun snuck into your bedroom overnight and replaced them with someone’s fist? CLOMID.
This cycle we are trying 100mg on days 3-7. I’m almost done. My follicle check is on Tuesday next week. I feel like this has to be working. All these side effects can’t be for nothing. There has to be something there, even if it’s just one follicle… a 15, a 16, anything better than what I have had so far this year with the Failure Femara. Even if it’s just one, I will take it. My fear is that my body is trying to mass produce again and that instead of getting one or two really great follicles, I’ll have a bunch of little minions all over and we’ll have to cancel. I’m just trying to take it one day at a time. Some days I feel very inspired and like this is going to be good and like I will conquer, and other days I feel like a complete and utter failure as a woman and like I just need to sit on the couch eating cookies and reading about cloth diapers all night.
But one thing is constant – there is a mighty God so much bigger than PCOS and He will take care of this in His perfect timing. My timing stinks. His will be perfect. Someday it will all make sense, just like it did when we were finally blessed with Zoey. Right now? Yeah, it hurts.
We can’t have a rainbow until after a good rain, right?