On November 4, we started our third miscarriage. It was our second one in 4 months. We unexpectedly got pregnant again and very quickly lost it again.
Just like in June, most people had no idea what was going on. I went to Girl Scouts with Zoey. I had meetings for work. I carried on feeling completely numb but went ahead and functioned anyway. I felt like I didn’t have a choice but to keep going or I’d lose my mind. This felt like some sort of cruel joke.
All of this started on November 2, the day before we were supposed to have our chili lunch fundraiser. Yes, this happened the day after our third-party counseling for embryo adoption. Insert eye roll. On that Saturday morning, when I realized my period was a couple of days late, I took a test and it was blatantly positive. It wasn’t a squinter or one of those “do I see a line or not?” type of situations…
So we canceled the chili lunch that was scheduled for the next day because we were pregnant, why would we host an embryo adoption fundraiser if we’re PREGNANT, right? Ethically, that would be wrong. So we canceled it without telling many people why and determined that if this would be a successful pregnancy, we would hopefully still get to keep the embryos we’re adopting for the future, but we’d donate all of the money we had raised to another family in waiting. We wouldn’t just hold our fundraised money for years, that would be weird and we didn’t want anyone to accuse us of using it for other purposes so instead we’d just donate it… pay it forward… bless someone else.
That Sunday, the second pregnancy test was so light, it was clear that my levels were dropping. It wasn’t just a slight difference, it was drastic.[Read more…]